Articles

ارنا عيوبك | ROCK YOUR UGLY

Published Oct 15th, 2019 by Waleed Shah

When I was 12, I got my first period and bled nonstop for four months. Loosing so much blood over such an extended period of time led me to be anemic and my mother began to get quite worried. Eventually, I visited the gynecologist who suggested I start taking birth control pills since that would regulate my menstruation cycle and control how long I would have my period for. Being on birth control, which essentially is hormonal treatment, had major side effects on my body and caused a huge increase in the size of my breasts.

At this point, I was in middle school which is typically a tough time for young girls. I noticed my body was changing, growing and maturing as I was becoming a woman. And it was growing differently than the other girls in my school and community. I felt out of place, and could tell that the other kids noticed I was different and sometimes they would say cruel things about it. At a time when as a teenager I wanted to fit in, I was very insecure and would try to cover my abnormally large breasts by always wearing sweaters and jackets. Also, there were no specialty stores for my cup size where I lived, so I had to improvise and figure out a way of dealing with this myself. I started to double up on bras, by wearing the largest size I could find in a department store and then a sports bra over it to give my breasts some support.

Having extremely large breasts meant they were quite heavy too. This caused me a lot of pain in my back, shoulders, neck and I would often have to take breaks from class to go lay down or do certain stretches that would help ease the pain. I came up with many home remedies that would help me manage the pain and inflammation my breasts caused, especially because the rest of my body was relatively smaller.

Years went by and I had two children. As you know, pregnancy and breastfeeding can also cause breasts to become larger. So after my two kids, I realized I wasn’t planning on having anymore children. So I decided it would be the right time to have the surgery. But of course, the surgery would cost a lot of money. My parents saw how much this was putting a huge toll on me and affected my life negatively so they decided to finance the surgery.

I was eager to get rid of this extra fat, weight and huge mass that had been a part of my life for so long. The surgeon was clear and upfront about the scar, asking me whether I would be OK with anchor-shaped scars. I didn’t care, I just wanted to get rid of them and be normal. It was a huge relief.

Now, as a model in fashion, beauty and nude art, my body is looked at through a lens of perfection. I know that my photos are seen by a lot of people and can have an impact on other women so I try to be as authentic as possible and want to make sure that I still look natural in my photos. I realize the responsibility public figures on instagram have and I just hope that more women, whether influencers, models or any public figures recognize this, and wish that they would participate in real projects that shed light on insecurities or things that are different to show other women that we’re all human and we’re not perfect. I believe this would help us all embrace our imperfections. I also think doing this would allow people to open up and look at women differently, not as a sexual object but rather a woman who has lived a real life, gone through turmoil and endured the ups and downs of life – yet still owns her truth and is proud of her body.

For more featured stories in the Rock Your Ugly Campaign please visit www.waleedshah.ae/rock-your-ugly .